The Salem Oregon Tea Party needs your money!
You have the means to support our efforts to ensure that Sarah Palin will be our next president in 2012. It’s time we overturned Hussein Obama’s Socialist Nazi Islamic government and return it to right thinking good Americans like those who fought the Civil War for us – like Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and Jefferson Davis.
Only you can help us turn back the clock so that we can once again enjoy these ten things that made America great. We should:
1. Enact government laws based mostly on the Ten Commandments as outlined in the King James Bible (copyright 1611).
2. Ensure that all undocumented aliens (especially like those who invaded our borders by stowing away on ships from Africa) are punished by long years of forced labor on large agricultural properties.
3. Give the right to vote to all males who can prove property ownership of more than ten acres and verify their European ancestry (except possibly for those from Ireland, Italy, Greece, Spain, Portugal or Slavic countries).
4. English will be the only official language for newspapers, mass communication, government documents, voting materials and public schools. And we don’t mean that “namby-pamby, limp-wristed” English they speak in the UK and some places in Canada and Australia.
5. Lower taxes. Because there are millions of low-income citizens and only a very few really rich Americans, taxes should be paid primarily by those in the poorer majority (it’s only fair – because there are more of them). We feel that the wealthiest should only pay a small sales tax on consumer goods they might buy whenever they shop at Target or Wal-Mart. Their homes, sports cars, airplanes, and limousines would be excluded from taxation under this plan because they improve the general appearance of our country and make us look better to the rest of the world.
6. There should only be one “official” political party – the Republican Party. After all, we are a “republic” – a democracy of the many led by a few, very powerful, representatives,.
7. All naughty things would be outlawed: pornography, rock music, short skirts, fine wine, bad or nasty words – including those disgusting scientific words for body parts. Men will be required to wear T-shirts to the beach, women will undress in the closet, and public breast-feeding will be punished with imprisonment and fines.
8. Magazines, movies and TV shows will be censored so that there will never be nudity, bad words, physical contact between members of the same or opposite sexes, or the appearance of members of minority ethnic or racial groups (except occasionally as “the help”).
9. While we feel that it is perfectly acceptable to have public executions of convicted criminals, and the enforced draft of millions of young men to die in our almost constant wars in far away countries – any egg, sperm, stem cell, Zygote, or fetus must not be allowed to die. This also applies to terminal patients over the age of 90 and anyone who has not had any discernible brain activity in months. No expense, public or private, should be spared in an effort to keep the dying and unborn alive.
10. There will be freedom of religion for all who are Christians and go to church on SUNDAY MORNINGS in white buildings with steeples and crosses. Catholics and Orthodox churches will also be free to meet and worship, but they will have to get special permits and pay annual “religious diversity registration fees.” There won’t be any need for synagogues and mosques because they are not Christian churches and won’t qualify under our religious freedom laws.
Are you with me on this? Then please contribute huge chunks of your wealth as soon as possible. Remember that our tax status is still in question, so please keep your receipts and canceled checks.