Turn back the clock to America’s roots

The Salem Oregon Tea Party needs your money!

You have the means to support our efforts to ensure that Sarah Palin will be our next president in 2012. It’s time we overturned Hussein Obama’s Socialist Nazi Islamic government and return it to right thinking good Americans like those who fought the Civil War for us – like Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and Jefferson Davis.

Only you can help us turn back the clock so that we can once again enjoy these ten things that made America great. We should:

1. Enact government laws based mostly on the Ten Commandments as outlined in the King James Bible (copyright 1611).

2. Ensure that all undocumented aliens (especially like those who invaded our borders by stowing away on ships from Africa) are punished by long years of forced labor on large agricultural properties.

3. Give the right to vote to all males who can prove property ownership of more than ten acres and verify their European ancestry (except possibly for those from Ireland, Italy, Greece, Spain, Portugal or Slavic countries).

4. English will be the only official language for newspapers, mass communication, government documents, voting materials and public schools. And we don’t mean that “namby-pamby, limp-wristed” English they speak in the UK and some places in Canada and Australia.

5. Lower taxes. Because there are millions of low-income citizens and only a very few really rich Americans, taxes should be paid primarily by those in the poorer majority (it’s only fair – because there are more of them). We feel that the wealthiest should only pay a small sales tax on consumer goods they might buy whenever they shop at Target or Wal-Mart. Their homes, sports cars, airplanes, and limousines would be excluded from taxation under this plan because they improve the general appearance of our country and make us look better to the rest of the world.

6. There should only be one “official” political party – the Republican Party. After all, we are a “republic” – a democracy of the many led by a few, very powerful, representatives,.

7. All naughty things would be outlawed: pornography, rock music, short skirts, fine wine, bad or nasty words – including those disgusting scientific words for body parts. Men will be required to wear T-shirts to the beach, women will undress in the closet, and public breast-feeding will be punished with imprisonment and fines.

8. Magazines, movies and TV shows will be censored so that there will never be nudity, bad words, physical contact between members of the same or opposite sexes, or the appearance of members of minority ethnic or racial groups (except  occasionally as “the help”).

9. While we feel that it is perfectly acceptable to have public executions of convicted criminals, and the enforced draft of millions of young men to die in our almost constant wars in far away countries – any egg, sperm, stem cell, Zygote, or fetus must not be allowed to die. This also applies to terminal patients over the age of 90 and anyone who has not had any discernible brain activity in months. No expense, public or private, should be spared in an effort to keep the dying and unborn alive.

10. There will be freedom of religion for all who are Christians and go to church on SUNDAY MORNINGS in white buildings with steeples and crosses. Catholics and Orthodox churches will also be free to meet and worship, but they will have to get special permits and pay annual “religious diversity registration fees.” There won’t be any need for synagogues and mosques because they are not Christian churches and won’t qualify under our religious freedom laws.

Are you with me on this? Then please contribute huge chunks of your wealth as soon as possible. Remember that our tax status is still in question, so please keep your receipts and canceled checks.

Posted in Humor | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Recipe for Holiday Fruitcake

Fruitcake? Who actually eats fruitcake for holidays any more? I know this is a little out of season, but maybe Christmas will come early this year. Maybe someone you know has an ‘unbirthday party” coming up. Maybe you’ll change your mind and make it for yourself after reading the following recipe handed down through my wife’s family. I present it here for the enjoyment of our friends and family. Please remember to eat cake responsibly…

Continue reading

Posted in Friends and Family, Humor | Leave a comment

That “I Spy” Guy – Robert Culp

This article was originally published on my other website at JustOneOpinion.com on March 28, 2010. I wanted to share this story of my family’s brief encounter with Mr. Culp back in 1968.

Actor Robert Culp died of a heart attack outside his home in Los Angeles last week. Culp was best known for co-starring with Bill Cosby in the ground-breaking television series “I Spy” during the 1960s, Culp was 79 years old at the time of his passing on March 24.

“I Spy” was a groundbreaking first for TV, teaming Culp and Cosby as two buddies that traveled the world as spies – but posing as tournament tennis competitors. The first of many TV and movie interracial pairings, such as “Miami Vice” and many cops and robbers “buddy movies,” “I Spy” began during a period when racial equality was still just a dream and real racial and sexual diversity on TV was still at least fifteen years away. Black faces on TV were still very much a rarity in the mid to late 1960s.

In later years, Culp played presidents, cops, senators, devious businessmen, occasional villains, and more recently, a repeating role as Ray Romano’s father-in-law in the sitcom “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

“I Spy” came along when fictional secret agents were very popular on both big and small screens, riding on the success of the James Bond movies starring Sean Connery and TV’s “Secret Agent,” Patrick McGoohan. Culp and Cosby played their roles with humor and occasional horseplay, rather than the brutality and violence that were central to the themes of their competitors.

Continue reading

Posted in Friends and Family, Memorials | 1 Comment

Almost Tax Time

March and April are months that, for me, seem to just blow by the calendar and disappear into the distant past.  Here in Oregon the days are still pretty wet and windy, so it’s too early to go out and sit on the deck or to start  using the BBQ. On the other hand, being this far north allows us to have some nice long days and sunny mornings.

Like most years, I’ll organize my files, toss out all of the old records that are over a year old, and file my tax extension. For the past couple of years, my wife Sharon and I have been living on our Social Security pensions, a small pension I have from AT&T, and our reserves left over from old 401K savings. So I doubt if there will be much in the way of taxes to pay, but we still have to file between now and October. It’s mostly just a pain in the butt.

A few months ago I received a rather intimidating official letter from the California State Franchise Tax Board.  It says something along this line:

Continue reading

Posted in Latest News, Portfolio | Leave a comment